Today someone who had told me over & over & over that I was a beautiful woman and true gift from God slung painful words and hurtful decisions directly into my heart then refused to tell me why. On the heels of being ghosted, insulted, demeaned and overtly sexualized by five “Christian” men in the last two months. One, a worship leader. Another, a coach at a Christian university. Two others, disciplers in their churches. And the last, an upstanding successful businessman from a long line of evangelists. At first asking how they could pray for me… and not long thereafter fetishizing my virginity and texting me what they’d do to my body if I was near. Asking for racy photos before going to sleep. I’d send worship songs and sermons with no response, but they’d beg to hear what I’d do to them in bed.
Our dating app culture is creating a screen for men to hide behind, literally and figuratively. They can say what they want. Swipe on the faces of fantasy. Discard what becomes inconvenient or imperfect once it’s “real” and stand you up because, in reality, who is holding them accountable??
MEN – friends of mine, have you asked your single dude pals and brothers if you can see their DM’s, texts, and Bumble profiles? Does kindness + courtesy + being Christlike towards the women on the other side of a first-date booth come up in conversation and prayer? WE NEED YOUR HELP.
Going to bed with a pounding headache after bawling… wondering yet again what I did wrong when a man who texted two dozen times a day, made me laugh and think, called to talk every night for 4 hours about everything from Jesus to favorite comedians, poured affection and affirmation out with joy, planned a weekend trip and bought me presents, wrote “I’m not coming. Best of luck.”
Thankful for a friend that showed up in my tears and snot and stayed & prayed for hours. Thankful for a lumpy puppy who licked my swollen face and fell asleep in my lap. But scared for the way we are doing dating these days & hurting pretty deeply. Scared it’ll never get better. Sad and scared.
((P.S. I am not stereotyping all men, I’ve prayed for each of the men I mentioned, and I know women don’t do it all right either.))